THE REAL MEATBALLER

(Rapped to the beat of “The Real Slim Shady” by Eminem)

This one's for all the haters and stalkers and posers....The Meatball King of New Jersey's latest rhyme...First came The Meatball Song...Played by every DJ at all the big friggin' weddings...Now here's a rap...That's right The Meatball King can do it all...

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real meatballer please stand up?
I repeat, will the real meatballer please stand up?
We’re gonna have a problem here…

Youse act like you never seen a goomba before

Who wasn't drinking and screwing at the Jersey shore.

I'm a family man—a real deal cugine

Not like the crazy dudes and chicks you seen on MTV.

I'm a writer, a cook, a performer ready to tour

About to soar, got the balls to prove it all and more.

Yes I came a long way since Friggin' Vh1

A return to reality TV...before the year is done.

Not a Soprano-wannabe but I will settle the scores

Been around for years longer than before...

All the haters and posers came into the fold
Sold balls in stores, outdoors on a roll.

Lead the pack as the king you can hear me roar

All before these second-rate copycats came through the door…ahhh!

It’s the return of the…. “ah yes, it must be the meatball king”

Summer of 2014 will be the ultimate!

And all the haters said...“oh he’s done”

But yes I’m still here, to bring the balls of fun.

Hey! Everybody loves Johnny, he can dance and sing

Write rhymes, tell jokes, badda-boom, badda-bing!

Innovator, trendsetter, from the streets to the screen

“Got balls” t-shirts, black and gold on the scene.

Look at him—jumping around, juggling balls up in the air

Camera crews following behind everywhere.

Making a movie, making moves, getting on the news

Cooking and comedy...TV and radio too.

Press and media presence, my whole brand is my name

Selling the steak and the sizzle, that’s the name of the game.

Of course the newbies all try and bite off my style

Claiming they are the boss when I’ve been here for awhile.

How many thousands of balls have I rolled in 5 years?
Sold at hundreds of gigs to crowds filled with cheers.

But still….haters wanna hate and give me no respect

I can look in the mirror and like what it reflects.

That’s….a man with ethics and morals and pride

Pride in my balls when all..the rest fall by the way side!

'Cause my name’s Johnny, the Meatball King…
All you other ballfellas are just imitating
So won’t the real meatballer please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

Other chefs don’t even roll a ball and act like pros

Well I do, so let ‘em all pretend like they know…

What it takes to make a business of this special food

That I been eating since I first came out of the womb.

A young, proud paisan, born and raised in Jersey

Others share this story, but you know what’s dirty?

When these peeps and freaks speak like they know the deal

But the truth is they’re fakes and posers—not real.

Never even had themselves a Sunday meal

In the Italian way, now that seals the deal.

Oh how all they try to tell some tales to fool you

To thinking they suddenly came up with something new.

I did it all with balls and keep bringing reinvention

Started with the holy trinity, 3 meats and then, yes…

Got all the shapes and sauces, sliders and jumbo sizes

My Sunday Gravy with Jersey tomatoes wins all the prizes.

Accolades and praise from those who recognize

That there’s plenty to be shared if we all compromise.

You stay and do your thing and I will do mine

Territorial respect is old school, and so am I.

Anybody can come and try to do what I do

But don’t you dare be an imposter, cause then I’ll sue.

Just kidding...you see that’s not what I’m about

I get my last laugh every time I sell out…

Every tray and roll, with every topping and all

That you would ever imagine one can do with a ball.

Google my name and you’ll see my long track record

I’m not cocky, I’m confident, I’ll throw down in a second.

Facebook, youtube, tweetin' to thousands

A growing following, I'm climbing the mountain.

See in reality I’m the guy that made it cool

To be a cook like grandma, keeping it old school.

Now there’s a million of them just like me

Who cook like me, dress and act in character like me.

They advertise and market like me, whoopee

They may indeed be the next best thing…ooooh weeeee, maybe.

We shall see...but...I will reign...from here to eternity

No none will ever be quite like meeeeeeeee, The K-I-N-G...

'Cause my name’s Johnny, the Meatball King…
All you other ballfellas are just imitating
So won’t the real meatballer please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

I’m a trip when you first see me, come greet me

Rollin’ the meat in the streets, at all the Jersey feasts.

Nobody else does dinner-theater on the spot

Setting up pop-up tents with Frankie Antipast.

You’ll say “oh my garlic” when you see our schtick

The competition I rip it, it’s hard work no picnic.

But it’s a labor of love to serve you all

So even when I get dissed I’m still standing tall.

And no of course—I didn’t invent the meatball

But...give credit where its due, cause I got all the calls.

To go on QVC and open up in the mall

And as I keep on traveling, the rest all slowly fall.

Coming and going, and opening and closing

World’s First Meatball Cart, no, it aint going…

Nowhere, no how, and now, my ball bus rolls out

More mobile than ever, I just grow, no doubt.

I don't step on my friends or knock my counterparts down

Got respect for the rest, but the next poser will be drownin.'

They say nice guys finish last, but I'll be smiling

When I'm standing atop of this meatball mountain.

Collaborated with stars in multiple endeavors

My star will shine bright, keep shining forever.

So, will the real king please stand up?

Open your fingers and hands and form a cup
And scoop the meat up, roll it, and sip sip the vino, soooooo….
One more time….loud as you can….how does it go?

Yes my name’s Johnny, the Meatball King…
All you other ballfellas are just imitating
So won’t the real meatballer please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

Johnny Meatballs…Meatball King of New Jersey…Haters are motivators baby…Accept no substitutes…The original and best... Jersey’s best balls…Back and better than ever…As seen on TV…Star in the streets and on the screen…What other meatball maker can make these rhymes? got balls??????

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(THIS HAS BEEN A PARODY....NO AFFILIATION WITH SHADY/INTERSCOPE IMPLIED)

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