We mourn the sudden and shocking loss of James Gandolfini, proud New Jersey native and Italian-American, who died in Italy at the age of 51. While he certainly did a variety of roles in his acting career, he is best known for playing the iconic role of “Tony Soprano” on the HBO series “The Sopranos.”

That show was a depiction of two families through the eyes of Tony—his life as a husband, father, son and brother—and his life as the head of the north Jersey mob who also happens to be a patient in therapy. I know the show got its criticism for its violence and occasional wrath from the Italian activists for its portrayal of Italian-Americans, but I found it to be an absolute masterpiece of entertainment. Of course it was violent and yes violent Italian-Americans are not a full portrayal of all Italian-Americans. But so what? It was an accurate portrayal of these Italian-Americans and it was an Emmy award winning work of fiction that will live on in history as being exceptionally written and acted—with the performances of Tony the best of the series.

And taking the violence and mob-related aspects out of the show for a minute, the accuracy of the “other” Italian-American family side was also perfectly accurate. Many North Jersey Italian-Americans are just like the Italian-American cast members, and one is denying their roots if they disagree. From the usage of the Goomba-Italian/East Coast slang vernacular and hand gestures, intense levels of emotions showcased, the mainstream (and lesser known) cultural traditional practices we witnessed, the religious aspects, to the jewelry, cigars, espresso, clothing styles, to the pork stores and eateries they perpetuated—which of course ties into the food they ate…spot-on in every aspect. Sure it came off as a bit brash now and then and maybe slightly overdone where the rest of the country may have viewed us as characters out of the overly Aqua-Netted Bon Jovi or Springsteen’s 80s. But the fact is, North Jersey Italian-American Goombas (those who started all these practices and styles in which art now imitates and over exaggerates) have character. We ooze it.

The series sparked endless coverage and copycats, and as a faithful viewer, I also got very much into trying to be part of the show myself. I went to an open casting call at Harrison High School which brought over 50 thousand people. From there, I didn’t get a role on the show but was invited to be a panel member of the Sally Jessy Raphael Show for her “Soprano-Mania” episode, which was her highest rated show in the history of her program.

Sally assembled a group of fans to discuss the show’s parallels to real life for Italian-Americans in New Jersey. I met some of the show’s actors over the years at Satin Dolls when they were filming a scene there and did actually snag a quick part as a non-speaking extra entering the club—which lasted about 3 seconds in the episode where “Ralphie” (Joe Pantoliano) kills the stripper. I met Pantoliano at the Closter PBA toy drive and he was the nicest guy in the world. I never had the pleasure of meeting James in person but all my friends who have met him have nothing but good things to say about the man.

Gandolfini, being born and raised where The Sopranos was filmed, hit the nail on the head with becoming Tony. And although I am sure if his job was as a teacher or a plumber or something else in the show, it would have been acted to perfection. The fact that he was a gangster-in-conflict is what made the show such a crossover worldwide sensation. Like westerns and horror, mafia is a genre—this particular genre—modern North Jersey mafia was examined and documented on film for the first time. That’s why it was different than The Godfather or Goodfellas, but not inferior by any stretch of the imagination. If it seemed cruder at times than those depictions, it’s because the modern landscape is cruder—it has nothing to do with David Chase or James Gandolfini—they just interpreted their vision of the fact-based progression (or digression) of La Cosa Nostra.

If you are an Italian-American from New Jersey, you have a special connection with The Sopranos. It’s almost like some of the cast members could be considered extended relatives. There was so much relatability there, it even bordered on scary at times. But to reiterate, the relatability came from the non-mob scenes, but Gandolfini made every scene must-see TV. What some may call stereotypes; I call true depictions of many of our shared physical and characteristical traits of this “neighborhood goomba.” Again, not gangster or guido (well maybe a little guido sprinkled in), but a stunning visual of a stylized sub-culture within a culture captured on film.

Maybe we goombas are stuck in another era, but we are proud of our old-school ways especially of not succumbing to the mass public’s generic and WASPY views of franchise restaurants and other carbon copy settings. What may seem so out of the norm to others is daily routine to us. Although much of the landscape has changed, New Jersey is still filled with rich pieces of past Italian-Americana and it was showcased perfectly all the way to the final scene in an ice cream parlor in Bloomfield.

The show transcended all nationalities and penetrated all areas of the country for its acting, writing and plots, but I’m sure there were times that people in Iowa didn’t quite “get” certain aspects in the way the East Coast did. It had a “niche” audience like no other show in history. It was certainly the precursor for the huge nationwide interest in all things New Jersey / New York Italian-American and also the precursor for many similar “genre” shows. Any depiction of a group is always going to have a few people saying, “this isn’t how we all are.” This is true. But there are many who are. And even the ones who claim they aren’t, I guarantee can still find some similarities, whether we are talking about Texas cowboys, the Pennsylvania Amish, the California surfers, or whatever. Tony Soprano embodied so many traits that could make him be my “Uncle Tony” and so many of ours—but at the same time what made him so complex is the fact that he had this other dangerous side to him. But that’s not the only thing that needs to be remembered about the character, he should be remembered as a whole and it was Gandolfini who made Tony not just a mob boss but made him human.

And whether you are Italian-American or not, if you are a Jerseyite, you also had a strong connection. Sunday night after Sunday night, scene after scene, whether it was seeing a bar or a pet store or just a strip of streets where the show was filmed….you have been there, or you know someone who has or is “connected” to the place, no pun intended.

Gandolfini made the connections all the more real. Taking “Tony” out of this for a minute, James could easily have been one of our uncles or cousins. In real life he was a gentle giant who was a real family man. I guess if he didn’t pass here in the Garden State, it was fitting that he died vacationing with his family in Italy—a place where he went to “reconnect with his roots.”

My thoughts and prayers go out to the Gandolfini family on their loss. Hollywood also lost an entertainer like no other. And the Italian-American community (even more specifically the Jersey Italian-American “cugine” community) lost one of its own.