I recently shared a blog post from the website of a fellow popular Italian-American writer on my facebook wall which generated nearly 150 comments and a lot of controversy.

My initial reaction to this blog (which was her tutorial on how to pronounce a list of Italian words) was disgust, a sentiment echoed by many of my friends. I found the “tone” of the article to be a little condescending in nature. For example, it stated one is “wrong” if they pronounce “ricotta” as “ree-gawt” rather than the proper “re-caught-uh.”

To me, there is no right or wrong. How one Italian-American chooses to say a word is based on several factors including where one’s family traces their regional lineage in the Old Country, to where they were raised in America, as well as one’s social class and of course how “Italian” they consider themselves to be. I will explain those factors in specific but first I want to offer a public apology to the author with my “disgust” reaction, just as she apologized for de-friending me. We both had unfounded initial knee-jerk reactions and are friends again. It was never her intent to sound superior but was rather trying to convey a message on formal Italian language—which is perfectly OK.

It was never my intent to insult anyone, as a fellow blogger, I have dealt with a fair amount of folks dissecting my blogs—and have received constructive criticism on a lot of my entries which I have learned from as well as blatant hate speech from the “holier-than-thou” activists. I have always confronted those who have written to me head on, sometimes this has resulted in beneficial back and forth dialogue and other times it has gone nowhere. Some people just have their opinions and cannot respect the other side, can’t do anything about that. I’m glad to report that the author and I do respect each others sides at this time and there is no ill-will.

What’s very unfortunate is how the Italian-American heritage is so divided like no other nationality and my “disgust” reaction is really directed to the “activist” types who either a.) have totally made it a point to forgot their humble “goomba” roots or b.) do not have those roots and just can’t grasp the fact that there was/is such a sub-culture of Italian-Americana and only feel that promoting high-end stuff is acceptable. To those individuals, I say, get off your high horses. Unless you live in Italy, we are all AMERICANS and we all interpret the Italian culture in our own way.

To pronounce Italian words with a Jersey/Brooklyn-esque “slang” is the same as any other dialect spoken in Italy or anywhere else. I am fully aware that “cunn-oh-lee” is “proper” for cannoli but if I say “ga-nole” among my goombas like many others do within a certain group setting, how are we deemed as bad people? It might not be proper formal Italian but it’s still a very real vernacular. I have been studying this subject for the past 5 years and I am still intrigued with how many “haters” there are within our own nationality and a lot of it stems from extremism on both sides of the spectrum, just like in politics.

When millions of people see drunken, promiscuous, at times violent behavior displayed by young East Coast Italian-Americans on a reality show done under the shared label of being a proud “guido,” (a group which may share some of my speech patterns and a few other traits), the older, Renaissance art/opera music/formal language crowd tend to deem ALL those who do not practice their particular “cultured” way of living to be outcasts of the Italian-American nationality. What’s interesting is how that is their first reaction rather than simply taking someone as an individual. Maybe looking at their particular questionable hedonistic patterns and saying they are not necessarily displaying an overall wholesome selection of lifestyle choices as members of American society rather than members of a particular ethnicity would make more sense. But how is it their business anyway? Isn't this a free country?

To me that speaks of an inferiority complex which again, comes from either these activists trying to forget their roots or just a lack of understanding that anyone who drops the “a” from mozzarella is not automatically a party animal. I am not one to judge anyone else—however they may choose to live. Or speak. And as I will reiterate, no other ethnic groups seem to have these divisive problems. What’s ironic is that, although the abolishing of regional dialects in Italy is being promoted by modern professors, when I was there, I observed Italians saying “grazie” differently from region to region. I heard “grot-zee” and also the more theatrical “grot-zee-yeh.” It’s just different interpretations. We don’t all have to sound like Miss Giada De Laurentiis.

It’s all “toe-may-toe / toe-mott-oh” if you ask me. It’s great to be educated and to be aware of how a word is formally pronounced, but the way you speak does not reflect one’s intelligence level or how real of an “Italian” (or Croatian or Mexican or whatever) they are. I never heard two Greeks calling “Greekism” into question if one says “yee-dough” or “gy-row” for gyro. It is like the tired “gravy/sauce” thing. I have seen paisans ripping each other apart, engaging in horrible name-calling and anger over what the red stuff is “supposed” to be called...and then how much of an Italian you are depending on how “authentic” your recipe is. To me, it is just ridiculous! It should be celebrated that we are attempting to cook these dishes at all—for carrying on traditions—and if we say things differently or prepare them differently, so what???

As my good friend Peter stated:

It’s a discussion of apples and oranges. Both are fruits, but both are different...Words all have a specific and proper spelling and pronunciation. “Mispronounced” words are a loving homage to our great or great-great grandparents who came to the US on the big wave of immigration 1880-1930. Much of the Italian-American pronunciations are a blend of the old regional dialects with an immigrants attempt to speak their language in a new and different country. When certain countrymen in Italy speak together, the Italian they are speaking is almost indiscernible. Yet, they can switch into proper Italian in a heartbeat. Us Italian-Americans have a connection with calling a sfogliatelle a “s'fuyladell” and I don't apologize for that. Would you tell someone in Macon GA that they need to say “YOU ALL” instead of Y'ALL?? Or someone in Texas that they speak wrong because they say HOWDY instead of HELLO?? Or someone in New England the word is CAR not CAAHHH??

Here’s the thing, formal speech and slang/dialect speech are just different, it’s just not a matter of right or wrong. For a school lesson I understand teaching young kids proper words and terms but to dismiss a part of one’s own family history by discouraging ALL from continuing a pronunciation that has been done for centuries is neglecting a substantial sub-cultural aspect of Italian-Americana. My mother's first language was Italian, but my brother and I never learned the formal language just like a lot of second and third generations where I grew up. So we carved out our own little lingo and somewhere along the line because a few Italian-Americans chose to conduct themselves in an unflattering light while using some of that lingo we all then were suddenly disgraziato!

When looking at the entire context of Italian-Americana, speech is really not the number one defining factor. We speak more with our hands anyway! But in all seriousness, it is more about the ideals and attitudes we practice. Yes there are a lot of silly shared stereotypes—many of which are true, like how we dress, decorate our homes, style our hair and other superficial things. But our Italian-Americana is mainly about food, religion, the holiday traditions, our strong fondness for family, those values that we were raised with and want to pass down to our kids. The further removed we are with our ancestors, the more things evolve and the more things change—some for the good but a lot for the bad.

The “PC”/whitewashing nature of trying to strip individual expression will always bother me and I will never succumb to the idea that a heritage cannot be practiced and celebrated out of interpretation. That is why it is called being “ethnic.” And there is no textbook to follow. We follow our neighborhood upbringing and our friends and our own minds and most of all—our hearts. Our backbone is our background and only God should judge, and as long as I am alive I will be proud of where I'm from and how I speak.

Now go have a cannoli. Or ga-nole.