Sign in | Log in

Road II Redemption

Road II Redemption

Johnny Meatballs DeCarlo (July 15, 2015)

Onto the next round...

Tools

I know it’s been months since my last blog and I did promise all you loyal readers that I’d have a new one, and here it is. Some of you have been writing me asking me about my next gig with the Ball Bus and about the general status of my business. Despite any rumors, Johnny Meatballs LLC is NOT bankrupt or defunct.


It is temporarily on hiatus as far as public event appearances go, but home delivery and private catering is very much in full operations. Why the hiatus? Well what follows in this blog may seem out of character for me, but as someone with a business who is always trying to take it to the next level, you may find this as a cautionary tale if you too are in my same shoes seeking outside help to take your thing to the next level too.

Now a good trainer or manager is supposed to manage things using their tools and give you tools so you can do things better and excel. I think we can all agree on that. What’s baffling to me is when a manager’s response to your own difficulties in whatever you’re trying to manage is to systematically remove everything and everyone you know from your life and provide no replacement strategy. What if your material possessions, relationships, interests and hobbies, job choices, etc. were critiqued and cut? You’d be reeling unless you had a clear quantifiable solution and not just a “vision.” I’ll get more into detail on all this later.  

Ever since I was about 28, I started doing “pro/con” lists, especially when it came to important life matters---personally and professionally. You weigh out the good vs. the not-so-good points in a situation and it helps to form a better scope of what you’re presently doing or are about to do. It’s a great way to assess / change / improve something, be it big or small. Now…here’s my question. If on your list there are more pros than cons, but over time, the pros start to creep into the other category but not as a direct result of anything you necessarily caused but rather due to outside extenuating circumstances, what do you do? Allow me to give an example so as to explain that better…

You’re in a romantic relationship, things are going good. But…over time the spark starts to fade because you get caught up in your work-a-day lives where previously you dedicated more time to date night but now you have to be at the office working later as things are busy and understaffed because employees have quit and moved away. You find your relationship greatly suffering and you argue. Soon, it becomes too tiring to put in the effort because the very discussion of making time for each other turns even more argumentative---certainly not something you want to engage in after most likely arguing at the office for how many hours. Next, animosity builds, you lose even more interest and break up. This is a very typical situation, especially in busy jobs or busy cities which require such jobs to survive are common. To some, this can be chalked up to the “bloom is off the rose” theory where no matter what goes on, like a worn pair of shoes, things ran their course and you either adjust your emotions to now accept this new, not-so-fun-anymore dynamic or just move on.

However, it’s not impossible to balance your dedication to your job and your dedication to your mate if you examine your pro/con list and determine the root cause here. So let’s look at this from another perspective. It’s so simple yet so often not understood that this overall change in dynamics within the relationship was strictly due to outside extenuating circumstances and not anything personal between two people who genuinely cared for one another and were once going good but the goodness suddenly came to a halt. There was a ripple effect which took place when more hours had to be logged at the office and taken away from other things. Why did this happen? Because the office was understaffed because employees moved on. Now I’m not saying the only choice is to move on from that job to save the relationship…

But…what if those vacant positions were filled, at least partially, to lighten the load. Everything would improve as a result and instead of the typical knee-jerk reaction too many have which is breaking up because you’ve mistakenly now put your relationship into the cons column, you see it more clear and make a true attempt to eliminate the root cause. And maybe within that root cause you’d even see that you’re underappreciated and under compensated for all that extra work at the office anyway, so maybe it’s time to do a pro/con list of your profession as well. These lists are ever evolving. The reason being, what surrounds you is ever evolving.

We’ll try another one. You got a friend in your life who is perpetually negative, yet you do have a history and common connections and of course he/she has redeeming qualities which obviously is why they are your friend. Though time and again, this one is the Debbie Downer of the party. You feel positive about a project / venture and they rain on the parade. As a result, you start to then grow less enthusiastic about whatever this particular thing is and you also find yourself growing argumentative with others, mainly your loved ones, because what once was a clear pro in your column is starting to shift due to the fact that it’s bringing up a negative response from a friend and leading to issues with others as it’s dominating your state of mind. You can A.) Reassess whatever that venture is and maybe conclude that said friend was indeed correct that it wasn’t so swell and eliminate it. B.) Reassess it, see that this friend really didn’t have your best interests at heart because this is something you’re passionate about and do indeed want to go on with it and will deal with the fallout of those around you at whatever the cost. C.) Eliminate this friend from your life so that you can enjoy this project in peace and with a clear head, no negativity and no fallout with third parties as a result of the negativity created with second party.

I am in no way shape or form any kind of expert on balancing good and bad things in life. All I do is compare them and weigh out how I live based on the results which took place under previous similar circumstances and see if it’s worth it to my own personal mental and emotional psyche. I’m not writing this as an advice column, these are just ways of looking at all that life throws you from different perspectives and are open-ended questions. I am curious to hear responses. Because the main theme here is this…Nothing will ever be perfection. I don’t care how rich you are, how in love you are, something will occur to make anything not perfect. Whether it’s a loved one suddenly falling ill or dying or a tree falls on your roof. Or you have a Sunday off and are looking forward to spending a day at the beach with your family and you’re all singing ‘80s tunes down the turnpike and then suddenly you hit a log jam of traffic and the happy mood shifts to frustration. Then comes the blame game, then arguing, then your lazy summer Sunday becomes like a workday commute hassle. Can you eliminate every single possible bad thing / person / object / scenario to guarantee nothing but bliss? Of course not…

But an insurance assessor will not insure you if there’s too many risks. A doctor would advise you to quit smoking, eat better, do things that improve your health so the odds of getting sick go down. An addict must totally eliminate drugs from their life and not surround themselves with those who have a drug habit. These may be extreme cases, but the idea is that changing and ridding yourself of burdens could certainly put you in a better state of mind. If you’re tired of the rat race, you can relocate to the country. But then you’ll find yourself in the adjustment period of changing your mentality to not expecting things fast and easy as they are readily available in the city. The plus side is you’re not dealing with the traffic of everyone rushing towards all of those readily available amenities. Those tired of shoveling snow may up and relocate to a tropical climate. Again though, there will be expected and also unforeseen adjustments that will arise in the new surrounding too.

Some don’t play the automatic instant elimination of the bad game, it may seem like a cop out or just giving up / running away. To others, it may seem like such an obvious choice where the rationale is why not just take a chance and just do it. If you try putting yourself in the best position to always succeed professionally and personally, what is wrong with that? But here’s the thing…you can’t just run or eliminate everything all the time. Maybe eventually as you grow older you begin to stop and smell the roses more and see a clearer picture of what’s worth having and doing in your world and what’s not. Perhaps it is true that with age and experience comes more knowledge and understanding. Or maybe people figure things out faster than others. In the meantime though, is one ever truly able to attain at least some level of true, inner contentment by learning coping skills that allow for any particular dilemma to remain contained? Meaning, whatever the con is or whatever the once pro which starts to creep into the con list stays compartmentalized and solved. And even if it’s not solved, at least handled in a fashion that it does not spread like a cancer and effect other departments of your life.

Again, I do not have all the answers, every day I learn something new. What things I absolutely MUST eliminate, what things I must learn to deal with, what things I must take the blinders off with and yield others advice on, and when to toughen up and lighten up. It’s a process, and things occasionally are gray and cross departments. You can’t just crawl under the covers and shut the lights. You gotta roll forward on the rollercoaster ride no matter how bumpy. That has always been something I’ve been able to do. But recently, the bump was a bit rougher.

I have always believed in moderation, communication and prioritization. And the “My Name Is Earl” karma theory of “do good things and good things happen,” and I still do. Nothing will change that. Megin and I even watched that movie “The Secret” last year and I did buy into some of the principles. But when does positivity cross into delusional? When no matter how hard you wish and will for things, they don’t pan out. And of course me the Rocky fan that I am know “it’s not how hard you hit but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”

Okay now I will paint a picture…

Let’s say a successful professional friend/associate strongly suggests you rid yourself of one or more of your meaningful (to you) personal possessions because they thought these things “hurt” your living/business situation and insinuated by doing so you’d greatly benefit. But…he or she was vague on specifics. Still, you do it. Now say this expert has means/connections to help replace/upgrade your situation but did not, and, actually made life worse. Do you still trust their long-term vision or would you feel duped, upset, and demand they make you whole again now?

In my view, if a rich, famous Cadillac dealer for example befriends you and tells you to sell/donate your old car and that he’ll “hook you up” with new wheels, would you not agree because you’re obviously expecting a new Caddie then? My cugine who I asked this to said he trusts nobody and wouldn’t get rid of his beloved car unless he was in the new one holding the keys.

See, I feel nobody has the right to make suggestions or demands in what you own or how you live UNLESS they are doing so because they legitimately are planning to next help by providing better alternatives. So that’s why I trust people there. But….Too often I get burned for having that trust.

Consider if this was an individual you respected and he/she had a track record and you truly felt based on your relationship that this quick elimination fix would help you. Don’t think of a sleazy car salesman, maybe that’s a bad analogy, think more of a super nanny meets Suzie Orman friend, kind of a total family advisor or counselor / trusted household and financial planner....Life coach.... I don’t really know what title fits here but just an all-around “consigliere.” Can you really  say without hesitation you would not follow their guidance?

The systems I’ve had in place with my biz was not without some flaws, thus the involvement of these outside individuals. That said, my main point really is that if one is a perpetual eater of hamburgers and a filet mignon chef comes and throws out your hamburgers but does not make you a filet mignon, isn’t that confusingly demoralizing?! Oh yes, fine steaks may be an upgrade but what benefit is it to anyone if the steak goes uncooked and unserved?

I’ve been too trusting before involving some folks to enter our world with claims of taking my biz to that champion status, be it new partners, investors, managers, etc....All were frauds or wolves in sheep’s clothing so one must proceed with caution. I truly only want what is most beneficial to my family.

I am a risk-for-reward guy, a doer of change with a clear quantifiable end game of better. Positive reinforcement is what gets results for me, I don’t dig tough love or throwing the builder out there with no tools to figure it out. With everything, I assess, give praise where needed, tweak and improve where needed, move forward. Period. If someone wants to be involved they better be all in and not half ass it. Now I could (and have) previously reached conclusions on change myself and with input from friends and family.....Anytime one brings an “expert” into the mix one should certainly feel they’ll get input as well but…. then the input usually coincides with---if not a new, specific replacement solution---at the very least, a path towards attaining said replacement.

Here’s another analogy. Say a baseball general manager assessed a .500 record ball club’s weakness as being Joey the closer. Could not mow ‘em down quite like Mo (Mariano Rivera---the best of all time) but Joey was effective right around half the time nonetheless. Still, the GM releases Joey, even though he has been with the squad for years and many adore him, imperfections and all. The GM makes this move even though nobody even serviceable is on the roster to step in. The result is that most of the team players and probably the team owners would hate this GM! He’d most likely even get fired. The idea is you just don’t make a crazy move like that. So what do you do as a good GM? You make a TRADE. Because then you got something. If Joey is not tradable on the market, you stand pat with him and hope he improves, or you hope you can find a guy who can do the GM job better and make a deal.

Lets take it back to food again. You own a restaurant and Bobby Flay was in town on a trip and walked into your restaurant every night for his dinner and you got real comfortable with each other. He comes in the kitchen, gives you some helpful tips.... Loves your techniques and food and said you were great! But....he says you need to toss your favorite butcher knife to improve. Picture he is wearing a chef coat or shirt with the logo of a brand new Bobby Flay brand butcher knife embroidered on it when he says all this. Ok what would you think and do?? Wouldn’t you retire the old knife expecting this new one from him? But instead.... Bobby suddenly skips town.....

I guess I am guilty of being a blind giver to anyone I sense needs it, whether I am doing ok financially or flat broke, my last dime is given. And I hold out hope others ESPECIALLY if they got more than enough means, to also do the same. I guess this is why I too often am in a position of just getting by and not getting ahead, because I do make money and then spend it as fast as it comes in. Though not on myself, on those around me even those who aren’t close friends. Megin is the same way, that’s just our nature and we will never totally change as our rationale is our true superstar investor/partner/guide will eventually enter our lives and allow for it all to even out. Not so we can then be big shots, this isn’t about money. For us we just want to cover our nut and then give, give, give. Nothing would make us more content. Having a million in the bank would do nothing for us. If we won the lotto tomorrow we would upgrade ourselves where need be sure, but then spend our days and the money towards folks that would benefit from a boost. If that makes us irresponsible or dumb, so be it.

There have been multiple people I specifically sought out or were introduced to me, or we mutually agreed on working together based upon the fact we were in the same field with matching goals. All came with the understanding of what all parties involved brought to the table. In each case, I was the only one who kept my end only to get manipulated, bullied, deceived and end up worse off.

Maybe I don’t need any kind of life coach or maybe I need a therapist. Maybe I am looking for my “savior” in all the wrong places. Maybe it truly is only the Lord as a dear Church going friend suggested to me who also was involved in most of these meetings with these deceitful people. Maybe someday I will ultimately end up in Florida or somewhere else with palm trees and truly get a fresh start away from all this. All maybes and unknowns. Whatever the case, I am going to keep being positive and as long as I have my wife and kids I will figure things out for the present and long-term. But right now, I’m in limbo with everything---in some kind of purgatory---which is why I keep defaulting to wiping the slate clean and going elsewhere. The thing that makes that plan so confusing is that is the very reason I am upset, because things have been taken away. I just don’t know exactly how to fix them.

I am not saying the fix is going out of state immediately, but down the line I see no other way. Because one fact is constant in that the cost of living here keeps going up and the quality of life going down. I see too much toxicity on a daily basis and the truth is, no you cannot live in a bubble or totally sanitize your world, but, if things really aren’t getting so rough in my neck of the woods why are so many people taking the exit plan? I always embraced the idea of overcoming the odds and the underdog story but over time when you hit a crossroads you either rise above your troubles or become a product of your environment.

What sparked all this you may ask? Was there a specific recent incident? Well not too long ago Megin and I brought in a supposed multi-millionaire, entrepreneur CEO investor / sales superstar guru and his “people” who all claimed (at least what I perceived it to be as direct though still done “indirectly” via innuendos and hints) that it was time to take Johnny Meatballs to that next level. Has it gotten there? Well, as I said, currently the business is on hiatus, at least as far as public event appearances go. There is a lot of regrouping and possible rebranding going on. Am I saying in the end this is all going to work out? Time will tell. But all this change has been quite scary and being burned before, it’s hard to have faith. (Due to certain legal contractual conditions I am not able to reveal any exact specifics of the advisement we received but this will all come to light, I promise.)

I am in the Johnny Meatballs game for six and a half years now. I do not know where I will be at the conclusion of this season to be quite honest. However, over the next few months it will become crystal clear. Here are the scenarios:

A.) The advice / help from this “star” will materialize and you will finally all see what I am talking about with all this and my redemption will come where I’m not just going the distance anymore but am indeed that champion at the next level like in the end of my favorite film “Rocky II.” B.) Megin and I press forward if it’s shown that we were duped and set back, thus forcing us to unite as the old Bonnie & Clyde team we were back in the early catering days of 2008 and rebuild Johnny Meatballs from scratch again. Or C.) Johnny Meatballs concludes its run and I go on to something else, unrelated to food or entertainment.

Check back soon and stay tuned to see which path I roll towards. I appreciate all the continued words of encouragement and support through all the ups and downs. Rocky did not give up and I don’t want to either. The sequel in my story will come…but…the ending is unwritten at the moment. Though just writing this has been therapeutic. I hope you all learned something today and please add your comments so that I may learn some things back. Everything in life is a lesson---good, bad or indifferent. No matter how smart you are or where you’re from you can always expand your mind, body and soul. That’s my philosophy anyway. I’m gonna keep on rollin’ with the punches, only difference now is I’ll be protecting that right side a little more. (That’s another Rocky reference.)

Redemption…I will get it…

DISCLAIMER: Posts published in i-Italy are intended to stimulate a debate in the Italian and Italian-American Community and sometimes deal with controversial issues. The Editors are not responsible for, nor necessarily in agreement with the views presented by individual contributors.
© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - RIPRODUZIONE VIETATA.
This work may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without prior written permission.
Questo lavoro non può essere riprodotto, in tutto o in parte, senza permesso scritto.