Caro Governatore della Sicilia Totó Cuffaro, aka zu’ Vasa Vasa, or Uncle Kiss-kiss,

I just learned that today you were sentenced to five years in prison for aiding and abetting BUT you were absolved from the charge of aiding and abetting the Mafia. In other words, yes, you helped a mafioso, but as a personal favor. You certainly didn’t mean to help Cosa Nostra! I’m glad the judges pointed out the difference!

You see, I’ve been following this Moles-trial very closely because, as a humble servant of your kingdom, I was worried about what could happen to our beloved Sicily if, God forbid, they removed you from your throne. But you, Uncle Kiss-kiss, showed great determination and courage since the beginning of this three-year-long via crucis. Ignoring those who put you down and wanted you to resign, you held on tight to your chair at the Palazzo d’Orleans and today, when the judge finished reading your sentence, your eyes filled with tears of joy and relief, you promised you’ll be back at your desk tomorrow. This is what I’d call devotion! I also learned that you’ve been banned from holding public office, but we won’t have to worry about that till all appeals are exhausted, which means that the ban won’t take effect before your mandate expires.

Phewwwwww! Do you believe they almost gave you 8 years? And for what? They put you on trial because a few years ago you let Brancaccio Mafia boss Guttadauro know that his house was bugged so that he could have it inspected and cleaned. “Aiding and abetting Mafia,” they call it. Come on now! What kind of justice is that which sentences a good man to five years for protecting a friend’s privacy?

Anyway, I’m glad to hear you’re going to appeal. Your friends Casini and Berlusconi are with you on this. Btw, Silvio has shown in several occasions a sensibility which is very close to yours at its core. Wouldn’t it be nice to give him the Sicilian honorary citizenship? Just a suggestion. 

Kisses right back at ya from me and my friend Joey Ski,

Chiara

P.S.: Good luck with the Banco di Sicilia thing.